Just say “No!”

Ah Spring is almost upon us.

Every Spring, my family participates in an annual event we call ‘Clean Sweep’, a two week festival of Spring house cleaning, culminating in a ceremony known as ‘The Cleaning Out of the Wardrobes’.

‘The Cleaning Out of the Wardrobes’ requires the entire family to dress in floral headgear and perform a ritualistic dance while disposing of virtually every article of clothing we own. The ceremony ends with a drive to the mall to replace the discarded clothes with new clothes, so that we may have something to dispose of at next year’s ceremony.

Following a massive clothing purge last Spring, we all ventured over the bridge to one of the big department stores in town.

After shopping for a while, I began scouring a shelf for a particular shirt in my size. Unable to find it, I looked for help.

I spotted two sales clerks, hiding just a few yards away in men’s underwear. I approached cautiously, careful not to startle them or interrupt their conversation about tongue piercings. But as soon as they saw me, both clerks bolted.

Like a gazelle, one leapt over several racks of clothing escaping into sporting goods. The other, the smaller and weaker of the two, wasn’t as lucky.

Attempting to sprint across to housewares, she found herself cornered and forced to assist me. She did so with the enthusiasm of a child visiting the dentist for a root canal.

Gesturing to the shirt, I asked whether one was available in an extra-large.

“No!” she snapped back, having memorized all three hundred and fifty-seven thousand items in the store’s inventory.

When asked if one might be available somewhere in ‘the back’, the place I’ve come to recognize as a forbidden haven reserved for sales clerks fleeing customers, she snapped me another “No!”, quickly sliding beneath the trouser rack and disappearing into cosmetics.

Welcome to the 21st century shopping experience.

While business owners scan spreadsheets, devising new ways to improve bottom lines, the art of serving the customer is being ignored.

‘Customer satisfaction’ has become the gold standard to which retailers aspire. Some even have an ‘index’ for rating customer satisfaction.

Customer ‘satisfaction’? Seriously?

‘Satisfaction’ is a minimum requirement for doing business. After all, what’s the alternative? Customer dissatisfaction?

Today’s mainstream business culture has become one of mediocrity, where achieving the bare minimum is celebrated and rewarded. As long as the clerk in the clothing store doesn’t follow me to the parking lot and set fire to my car, I should applaud my shopping experience.

Here’s a tip for business owners, forget customer ‘satisfaction’. Strive to thrill your customers with service that exceeds expectation.

Train staff to understand their importance in the sales process. Give them autonomy to make decisions and resolve customer concerns immediately. By default, I’m an advertising advocate, but instead of focusing entirely on your print layouts and radio scripts, invest as much effort in the end of the sales process as the start of it.

My tip this week is to read a book called “Raving Fans” by Ken Blanchard and Sheldon Bowles. This book should be mandatory reading for any retail business owner, and his or her staff. I highly suggest you look for a copy at your local book store. If you can’t find one, ask a sales clerk for help.

Just be sure to block their escape routes first.